While we must always be grateful for the number of new titles arriving on Netflix, the very nature of the streaming platform means that older titles are bumped to make space. That includes a classic action romp from Brad Pitt.
Bullet Train is a pure 200mph joy ride and deserves to be watched before it leaves the streaming platform on June 2nd. The movie is one of the best action-packed releases in years and acts as the perfect Friday night thrill ride.
Of course, if you were expecting director David Leitch to provide you with anything but a thrill-a-minute joy ride through the pleasantries of Asian pastiche, then you likely haven’t seen his rap sheet. As well as John Wick, Atomic Blonde and Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw, Leitch was part of the team that took on Deadpool 2, and the self-referential irreverence of that picture is threaded throughout this assassin-dripping piece of rip-roaring cinema.
Starring an impressive cast of assassins, Brad Pitt’s Ladybug operates as our central hero. Having found a simpler way of life through Buddhist teachings, Ladybug is hoping to de-escalate his life even further and only took on this smash-and-grab job after another hired gun pulled out because of stomach troubles. With the help of his handler (Sandra Bullock), Ladybug has to identify and acquire a briefcase and leave at the next stop. An easy job, one might wrongly assume. However, he encounters a train full of dangerous people all out to destroy one another.
Outside of the action sequences, there is a lot to be desired. Endlessly inspired by Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie, there are moments where the former’s wit can be felt and other moments where the litany of awful accents found in the latter’s filmography can also be embedded in one’s skull. While Tyree-Henry’s Lemon is easily the most lovable character in our story, his cockney accent reeks of the Dick Van Dyke school of crimes against London. Joey King doesn’t do much better in these stakes, but both instances of wonky pronunciations of “wor-tuh” are forgettable amid the broken glass and spilt blood.
As the story unfolds and the MacGuffin becomes ever more tantalising, it is clear that everyone is connected and that the rivers at play run deeper than first expected. In truth, that notion runs against the ideals of the movie at large. everything about Bullet Train, save for the celebrity cameos, is to be expected.
The truth is, this cartoonish crash through our screens is not designed to do any of that. It is designed to go fast, very, very fast, and delight everyone on board as it does. Efficient in its delivery and ruthless in its refusal to bend to cinematic legacy, Bullet Train is the kind of film made for weekends with your friends and family, twirling a straw in your shake while a gentle smile on your face that belies the blissful nothingness behind it.
Watch Bullet Train on Netflix before it leaves.
